Christianity and Feminism

I keep getting these subtle hints that I'm not quite acting my part as a 'lady'. Of course, as a girls, we get that where ever we go, but now I'm actually having to stop to think about what is right for me to do as a Christian and a progressive woman. Can't self expression and acting on my wants and dreams go hand in hand with being a good Christian Woman?

In my last blog post, I talked about how I'm a little bit of a hippy. For the most part, I find that Christianity and being a Hippy complement each other very well, and I often find myself wishing that more people would realize how similar the two lifestyles are (read: how similar they're supposed to be). However, Feminism and Christianity don't seem to get along very well, and I'm trying to find a balance between the two.

NOTE
When I say "Feminism", I do NOT mean the idea that men should be subservient to women, or that women are better than men, or that women are the only ones that are suffering. That is not Feminism. Feminism is the advocacy of women's rights and treatment on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men. Both men and women can be feminists, you just have to support the view that everyone should have equal rights, opportunity and treatment.

When I first went to church, I wasn't aware of what was expected of me as a Christian Woman. It was probably assumed that my Mom would tell me these things at home, but outside of the church, we didn't talk much about God. So, with the influence of the strong, amazing women in my life, I grew up to be a feminist before a Christian. Considering my lack of understanding of what it means to be a Christian at that time, I think it was a better idea to teach me confidence instead of teaching me my feminine role. If there was ever a something that needed context, it would be excerpts from the Bible. While my Mom taught me which clothes were and were not appropriate to wear, she was no advocate for turtlenecks and ankle-length skirts. She taught me to stand up for myself, and that there was no reason why I couldn't play trucks with the boys instead of playing with dolls. She taught me how to get dirt underneath my fingernails, paint on my clothes, and twigs in my hair.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not under the impression that God doesn't want me to be strong and confident. Some of the most amazing women that I know are God fearing, and participate in a traditionally Christian marriage, meaning that they look after the home and are subservient to their husbands. Now, I'm all for diving into Christianity. No toe-dipping for this girl! That being said, this is where the water gets a little too deep for my tastes. The feminist in me shrieks in horror when she hears the words "submission" and "subservient". Even if I didn't label myself as a feminist, I would still be hard headed and stubborn. I'm not very likely to do what my Mother tells me to do, let alone what my male counterpart tells me to do, and this is why it took me so long to really commit myself to reading the Bible and understanding the Word of God.

Ephesians 5:22-24 says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, it's body, and is himself it's Saviour. Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also should wives submit in everything to their husbands."

This is where I feel my stomach drop, and I'm overwhelmed with dread. I know that I don't have to act upon this quite yet, since my boyfriend and I aren't married, but it's verses like these that make me feel like a bad Christian. On good days, when I'm praising Christ and feeling great about my new-found faith, I still have this niggling little thought in the back of my brain, saying in that horrible sing-song voice, "you're not going to be able to do this". On bad days, I slightly regret becoming a Christian.

I KNOW. It's selfish, and shortsighted. It's very little to give for such a big return, but what can I say? I'm childish. I want to cry and stomp my foot, "But I don't WANNA do what my husband says. I want to do what I say!" It's not that I wouldn't trust him to make the right choices. And my friend explained it to me like this, "Everyone has their roles, Lindsay. A man's role is to make the decisions, a woman's role is to trust him. Doesn't it take so much of the pressure off?". Yes I suppose it would, but in my case, I think it would be replaced with the stress of not being in control. And aren't my thoughts valid? Don't I get a say in what goes on? I've spent most of my teenage years and my whole adult life (while it may be not long lived, yet) making my own decisions- making good ones and bad ones, and learning from both- and as soon as I'm married I'm supposed to just hand over the reins? I completely realize that arguing about this is like a two year old arguing with Mommy about the reasons why she should be able to have five cookies for breakfast. In the long run, I'm in no position to say that I really know what's best for me.

I'm learning to trust in God, and I'm definitely a work in progress, but why would God give me this brain if he didn't intend for me to use it?

Jesus was the Original Hippy

Before I really started dedicating myself to God, and trying to live a more Christ-centred life, I spent a lot of time focussing on loving everyone.

I spent a lot of time in my childhood and youth asking myself why people had to be so mean. I remember crying during recess because two girls that I knew were fighting. I wasn't even involved in the fight, I just hated that they were upset at each other. I've always been a bit of a pacifist towards others (not including my brothers), and I find myself really uncomfortable when other people aren't. I firmly believe that you should treat everyone with respect and love, ESPECIALLY when you disagree with their actions and speech.I lost my faith at a very young age, but I still needed something to believe in, and this was it. Everyone believes in something; Christians believe that Christ is our saviour, Capitalists believe that they need money to be happy, Atheists believe in the superiority of man, and I believed that the world would be a much better place if everyone just loved each other. I still do. Yes, I come from a hippy family, and Yes, I consider myself to be one as well, but in all honesty, I think that's what led me back to God.

Hold the eye-rolls for just one second. If you take a look into what Jesus stands for, you could pretty much say that Jesus was the original hippy. No, he wasn't a pot smoking, free love, unemployed person who smelled like patchouli (although he may have smelled much worse. Besides, you don't need any of those things to be a hippy). Jesus was anti-war, anti-hate, and anti-violence. Additionally, the times that this was most evident was when followers of God were acting out towards those who sinned against him. One of the most popular Bible stories that construes this idea is John 8:1-11. Yes, what this woman was doing was wrong, and God himself has labelled adultery as a sin, but Jesus was able to forgive her. We often take it upon ourselves to judge others for their wrong doings, when we are no better. We make up explanations of how our sins are lesser than our neighbours', and find reasons to demonize those who are sinfully our equals. If Jesus, who is without sin, can love us despite our sins and transgressions, then we can love our fellow man just as we would wish to be loved. For, all the hatred we think others deserve, then we must deserve that hatred as well. Also, all the love that we think we deserve, others deserve too.

1 John 4:10-11
In this love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Love everyone.

Sunday Night Special

God has a plan for you.

God made you, every strand and fibre, every molecule and atom, and he put you together piece by piece with such care to make you as perfect as you are. He knows every inch of your body and mind because you are his masterpiece. But he didn't spend that much time, putting that much love into your creation for you to be a pretty thing to look at. No, you were made with a purpose.

I know this to be true, but as I lie in my bed- chocolates on my right, and my pinterest wedding board in front of me- I find it difficult to get up and embark on the beautiful journey that God has prepared for me.

I think we all know this feeling. There are so many possibilities of what you could do today. There are 24 hours that can be filled with so much, may it be a new adventure, or even getting to the laundry that has been piling up in the corner of your room for 3 weeks. You could be meet somebody new, you could phone your mom, or you could finally pick up that paintbrush and express yourself- if only you got up out of bed. Sometimes I stand still and wait for God to move me, to spring me into action like a doll that he's playing with, but I know that's not how he works. The Lord isn't a puppeteer, nor am I his puppet. In the Bible, God is always described as the Shepherd, our Father, and our Teacher, and for good reason. Yes, He leads us away from sin and into his loving arms, but he can't lead if we don't follow. God is trying to tell us which way to go, but we can't know the way if we don't listen.

This is where I end up feeling a little bit lost. I'm pretty certain (although you never know) that God won't be appearing to me as a burning bush or pillar of fire to tell me what decisions I'm supposed to make next, so where do I look? I don't know what I'm listening for, and I'm afraid that I'll not hear his desires above all the noise of my life. God speaks to us in many ways, and the other Christians that I know always seem to know how to interpret His message. I'm sure that over indulgence and pinning cute Mason jar vases probably isn't high on His list of important things for me to accomplish in my life, but the fear of failure and misdirection keeps me hiding under the covers.

Hindsight is definitely 20/20. Looking back over the past year, I can tell where God has been working in my life and pushing me towards one decision over the other, but I absolutely didn't see it at the time. And, I know that as I move closer to Him and work towards living more like Jesus, I will be changed in a way that encourages me to make decisions that fits into His plan for me, but in the mean time I would appreciate the guidance.

I don't know if I will ever truly be able to say that I hear God speaking to me, but I will continue to listen through the chatter and keep an open heart to his Word.

Bad Christian

Truth is, I really suck at this whole being Christian thing. 

I grew up in rural Alberta, where everyone was Christian. We're not talking the "Jesus loves you no matter what you do" kind of Christian. More like the "If you read Harry Potter, you're in a cult and going to hell" kind.

 I used to really not understand praying. Half the time I thought it was ridiculous to think that God had time to listen to the whole world's prayers everyday, let alone mine. The other half the time I thought that I was just doing it wrong. I had always heard people talking about how God speaks to them, and if I couldn't hear him talking back, chances were that he couldn't hear me either. Mom was always saying that our internet was bad because we didn't have very good reception (back in the dial-up days), so maybe it was the same for praying. Or maybe my hands acted like antennas and if I folded my hands just right, I'd get a better signal. 

I remember being baptized when I was 7. It was all very.... Anticlimactic. For me, anyway. Everyone was so excited and giving me children's bibles and telling me that I was saved. It felt a lot like passing another level in swimming lessons and your teacher would hand you one of those blue and white badges with the level number sewn into it. Sure, it was kind of neat, but you couldn't help but think, "that's it?". I felt kind of ripped off. Where was the light shining down upon me from heaven? Where were the angels singing their angelic angel songs, doing their angel things? 

From then on out, I just tried to fit in. Obviously there was something wrong with me. I did my best to stay awake in church, and to at least try to understand what was being said. I once asked my Sunday School teacher if it was possible that parts of the Bible- particularly the miracles done by Jesus- were metaphors. Needless to say, that didn't go over well. 

So, no more questions, either. 

I just sat back while my faith slowly dwindled into smaller and smaller pieces until I was left with, "I don't know" when asked if I believed in God.

I was completely unsure of everything. I tried to scrounge up something that I could make into a faith, completely of my own making, so that I could believe in something without people telling me that I was wrong. Well, I guess they still could, but they couldn't believe it better than me. It was all muddled bits of anything I found that I liked, all tied together with pieces of string and glue. There were bits of Christianity, ideas that all Gods are the same deity, little bits of Buddhism, Gaia... in summation: a big mess.

But faith can't be held together with string and glue. Eventually it all fell apart, and the only thing that's left intact is God.

And now I'm here, fumbling with my faith, and trying to pick up the pieces.